


Lose Yourself

by JasnNCarly



Category: All My Children
Genre: F/M, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2007-03-26
Updated: 2007-03-26
Packaged: 2020-05-16 18:57:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasnNCarly/pseuds/JasnNCarly
Summary: A car accident changes everything for Kendall Hart.





	1. Chapter 1

It was impossible to ignore the tears as they ran endless paths down her cheeks. The pain remained to powerful to pushed aside, showing no signs of subsiding.  
  
It had been nearly four months since Ryan had chose to marry Greenlee over her and, after an accidental eavesdropping, she now knew Aidan was seeing Anita.   
  
 _Where does that leave you?_  
  
She bravely wiped her cheeks, thinking angrily aloud, "Where has it always left you, Kendall? Alone. No one gives a damn about you."   
  
Of its own accord, her foot pressed the gas to floor with complete disregard for the open road...or the man pleading with her from the passenger seat...  
  
"Listen to me, you've got to calm down. You're gonna get us killed!"  
  
"It doesn't matter how much I do. It doesn't matter how hard I try to change things. I will always been alone."   
  
"No, Kendall, no! You're not alone! I'm right here!" When she silenced, he went on with force, "I know it's hard. I know life sucks right now. Believe me, if anyone knows, it's me. I lost Babe and Bess..."  
  
"Bianca and Miranda don't need me."  
  
"And no one needs me except you. Which is why I'm here, so...use me. Don't--don't shut me out, and just--stop this car. Let's go somewhere and talk."  
  
Kendall focused completely on her raw emotions and rambled on, "Everyone will abandon me the minute it gets a little tough...the second they can't  _handle_  me."  
  
"Please, stop the car."  
  
"It stops now."  
  
"Damn it, stop the car!"  
  
"JR, you got in the car!" Breathing heavily, Kendall shot her eyes to his, "I know you're trying to help, but you'd do us both a favor, if you just--"  
  
"Kendall, look out!!!"  
  
~*~  
  
He tried to lose his smile, heading out of the hospital, but after seeing Anita...he had a lot to smile about.  
  
He had thought all the women he chose were completely unattainable, but Anita wanted to try and connect. So far, it was working. They had worked to help Maria and Edmund through a rough time, finding something in one another.  
  
Suddenly, when lifting his head, his smile was no longer impossible to conceal.   
  
The ER waiting area was flooded with too many recognizable faces, and he immediately felt his heart sink...especially when seeing her tearful doe eyes.  
  
Rushing towards her, he asked abruptly, "Bianca, what's happened?"  
  
"Aidan?" She turned towards him with a heart broken expression, beginning to sob as she announced, "It's Kendall....and--and JR. They--"  
  
Urging her along with his pressing gaze, he waited for her finish.  
  
"There was a crash. A horrible car crash, and they--they were both hurt. No one knows what's going on." Bianca began to feel her knees go weak, gazing into his eyes helpless, "What am I suppose to do without her? What about Miranda? We--we can't live without her."  
  
"It's going to be okay."  
  
"I can't lose my sister, Aidan. I just--I can't."   
  
Embracing her tightly, he absorbed her tears with his shoulder and stood in disbelief. After all this time, Aidan had never imagined life without Kendall...  
  
~*~  
  
Ryan continued to drown in his work, hoping to forget the stable...yet complicated state his life was in.  
  
It had been some time now, and Kendall had finally given up. After he and Greenlee had helped her return Miranda to Bianca, Kendall had done the 'right' thing and dropped all hopes of him returning to her.  
  
Now he was beginning to regret driving her away. He had lived without her before, but after having her in his grasp so tightly, he had forgotten how hard it was to get through each day.   
  
Kendall had made herself scare, appearing to him only with business matters and disappearing when matters were solved. And he missed her...more than he could ever possibly express.  
  
Right as he was about to leave the office, the phone ran.  
  
 _Damn it, Greenlee, I'm on my way. Give me five minutes._  
  
He grabbed the phone and spoke, frustrated, without a greeting, "I've had a pile of paperwork I've been taking care of. It took longer than I expected--"  
  
"Ryan, it's Maggie."  
  
"Maggie?" Lowering his voice quickly, he questioned with concern, "What is it? Is Bianca okay? Miranda's not sick is she--"  
  
"It's Kendall."  
  
Listening carefully, he heard her soft sniffle follow the proclamation and took his desk seat to prepare for the worst, "What about Kendall?"  
  
"Um...there was an accident. A really--a really bad accident outside of town. Kendall and JR, they were...in a car crash and the ambulance is at the crash site. No one--no one knows, if they'll even make it to the hospital."  
  
There was a long pause between them as Ryan attempted to gather his thoughts.  
  
Finally, Maggie broke their silence to add, "Even though you've treated her like something you stepped in for the past few months, I still thought you'd like to know."   
  
Before he could respond, the dial tone had clearly concluded their conversation.  
  
~*~  
  
"Mr. Chandler, can you hear us?"  
  
His blue eyes fluttered open slowly, revealing the dark night sky overhead then the bright light of the EMT's flashlight. Feeling every bit of his body ache, he groaned softly, "What...happened?"  
  
"You were in a car crash."  
  
"Car crash?" JR repeated softly and his argument with Kendall came rushing back to him. He attempted to lift himself, only to have them push him back, "I've got to help her! I've got to help Kendall!"  
  
"Kendall? That's the driver's name, correct?"  
  
"Yes! Yes, all right?! Where is she?!"   
  
"Mr. Chandler, you have to calm down, all right? We're going to take you to the hospital and--"  
  
"No! Not without Kendall!" Removing his neck brace despite their protest, JR searched the area of flashing lights and emergency personnel.   
  
"We've got to take you to the hospital, Mr. Chandler! You won't be able to help your friend in this condition."  
  
Slowly, he took in each bit of information and put it together. The car had hit Kendall's head on, slamming in both front ends, and the area had already been taped off. Everything except Kendall's car, where a handful of policemen, firemen, and doctors surrounded.  
  
In horror, JR watched through misty eyes as they pried Kendall's lifeless body out of the car. The second she was on a stretcher, they were attempting to revive her.  
  
"No..." He was restrained once again, one of the men signaled for the driver to take off, "Kendall!"  
  
The doors of the ambulance closed, blocking his vision of her but not his screams, "Kendall!!!"  
  
~*~  
  
Maria approached the crowd cautiously, all of them carefully supporting each other, as she updated them with the news, "They just called in."  
  
"Where the hell is my son? I've gotten here before he has, and I've heard not a word!"  
  
"Pipe down, Adam, all of us are here for them! You're not important, you got that?" Maggie snapped in defense of Bianca, who held her daughter close for support, and calmly instructed, "Maria, go on."  
  
"The crash site is still be examined to determine exactly what happened, but they've found everyone."  
  
"And?"  
  
"From what they know, no one was intoxicated or inebriated in any way. JR will come back from it fairly untouched..." While many of them let out a long sigh of relief, Maria neared closer to Bianca who was already beginning to sob.  
  
"No..." Bianca moaned tearfully, clinging to Miranda who began to cry in her arms, and took the nearest seat, "No..."  
  
Aidan ignored his own tears as Maggie and Babe sat beside Bianca, offering her their support, and pulled Maria out of their ear shot. Once aside, he pressed on, "What's her condition?"  
  
"We know there's severe head trauma, and she wasn't breathing when they pulled her from the car."  
  
"Is she breathing now?"  
  
"It isn't stable. She may not even make it to the hospital."  
  
Before Aidan could ask anymore questions, his familiar voice had made its way into their conversation, "But there's a chance?"  
  
Maria faced him, less than hopeful, and nodded slowly, "Yes, there's a very slim chance, Ryan." Glancing towards Bianca, she let out a long sigh and told them, "But I would advise you to prepare her for the worst. It's--"  
  
The ER doors burst open before Maria could finish, causing their eyes and her feet, to shoot to the door.   
  
"Is she okay?!" JR continued to try and pry information out of the men wheeling him into the ER, "Where is Kendall?!"  
  
"JR, settle down." Maria instructed gently, spotting the restraints around him, and sighed, "Listen to me, you have got to pull it together."  
  
"Maria, please, you've got to help Kendall."  
  
"I will, but first we have to take care of you."  
  
"No! Just help Kendall!"  
  
"Neither of us can help her, if you don't make this easy. She's coming in right behind you, so let me examine you quickly so I can get to her."  
  
JR stilled, blinking back uncertain tears, and nodded, "Whatever it takes, just...don't let them give up on Kendall."  
  
"I'll do everything I can for her." She vowed softly, walking with him to the nearest available room.


	2. Chapter 2

The waiting room had been hushed for hours, everyone put their moments into constant rewind...going over every horrible word which had been spoken and every horrid action taken.   
  
All of this came with the knowledge may never be able to mend fences or heal those wounds.  
  
Aidan's eyes drifted to Bianca who rocked back and forth, hour after hour, with endless tears. The only remote calm she had was the beautiful child in her arms...the daughter she had believed was gone.  
  
 _And now she could lose the woman who helped her through it all._  Bowing his head sadly with the thought, he went over how much distance had grown between them.  
  
In the past few months, he had lost all contact with Kendall and the Kane family at a gradual pace. Aidan painfully reminded himself... _you disappeared when she needed you the most...after you had claimed to love her._  
  
This thought was not his alone, it was shared sadly by a man who stood nearby lost in torment of his own.  
  
He had chosen Kendall's enemy over her, and he had used excuses to be without her. Using his mind over heart, Ryan had married Greenlee for the safety factor.  
  
With his wife, there would be no complications...just security. And, for these reasons, he had been lost.   
  
Ryan missed the woman who drove him crazy, missed the woman who sparked something in him which should have been lost with Gillian. When given the opportunity, he had willingly walked away from the woman he loved more than life itself...not to mention the family he had adored.  
  
Turning to face them, he approached Bianca slowly only to be stopped quickly by Maggie's presence.   
  
The young woman bored her eyes dangerously into Ryan's, settling strongly in front of Kendall's closet tie, "Back off, Lavery."  
  
"I need a second."  
  
"Do you actually think I'm going to give you one minute with her? My girlfriend has been through enough without you making your empty apologies about her sister."  
  
"I know you're trying to protect your family, but the last thing I want to do is hurt Bianca or Miranda. I just--"  
  
"You just want to clear your consciousness, and it's not going to happen. Because if you want to get to her, you've got to go through me. And I can promise you won't."  
  
Their conversation was quickly interrupted by the entrance of the boys.  
  
"Maggie, what happened to JR?"   
  
~*~  
  
She waited for Ryan to step away before turning towards him. Looking up into his terrified gaze, Maggie inhaled deeply and released the breath uneasily, "It's JR."  
  
"Wha--what about him? Is he okay?"  
  
"Jaime, he was in an accident."  
  
"An accident? What kind of accident?"  
  
"A car accident, with Kendall."  
  
"Well, was it bad? Is--" Jaime followed Maggie's eyes the seat nearby and took in Bianca's wounded state.   
  
His eyes flooded with tears as he tightened his jaw, facing her again, "How bad is it?"  
  
"JR passed through earlier, he looks fine. Maria said it was a miracle nothing more happened. But Kendall..."  
  
Jaime picked up her sentence softly, returning his eyes to Bianca, "Is another story."  
  
~*~  
  
Jaime's partner in crime soon sat in the available space next to Bianca and spoke optimistically, "Come on, Bianca, nothing's gonna happen to Kendall. She's got to much trouble left to cause."  
  
"Reggie, I really don't think this is the time to joke." The blond beauty at her side argued, soothingly rubbing Bianca's back with tears stinging her own brown eyes, "Something horrible just happened."  
  
"I'm sorry, Babe." Reggie lost his awkward smile, wiping his nervous hands on his baggy jeans, and wrapped his arm around his sister, "Bianca, I just want to help."  
  
"Then help me remember..." Breaking her silence, she turned to him and set her heartbroken gaze on his, "remind me how strong our sister is so I can believe it."  
  
Stunned by her words, he fought his fear and nodded confidently, "There's no one stronger than Kendall. She'll be up and nagging us in no time."  
  
Laughing sharply at the statement, Bianca shared his nod and closed her eyes while he attempted to dry her tears.  
  
A calm began to wash over her but was quickly ruined as one woman entered the room.  
  
Before anyone could get a word in edge wise, he had rushed to her, inquiring, "Maria, how's my son?"  
  
"His injuries are mild. He'll need some recovery time, but he's fine."  
  
"May we see him?" Jaime chimed in, with Babe's presence suddenly beside him, and pressed on despite Adam's protest, "Has he asked to see anyone?"  
  
"He doesn't care who he sees." Shaking her head slowly, she admitted, "He's too busy asking questions about Kendall. So, you're welcome to see him, but if he gets upset we have to ask you to leave."  
  
As Maria drifted Bianca's side, Adam spun around to face the two and hissed, "I'll die before either of you see my son."  
  
"Then, please," Babe pushed past Jaime and glared towards Adam, "do it soon."  
  
Before Adam could retaliate, the young woman had made her way towards his son's room.  
  
Shrugging with a small and sarcastic smile, Jaime added, "Well, you heard the woman."  
  
~*~  
  
"We're getting Kendall to the ICU right now."  
  
Maggie and Reggie had their arms around Bianca's shivering body, taking in Maria's words carefully.  
  
"I have to be honest with you. The trauma to Kendall's head is extensive."  
  
"How extensive?"  
  
"We won't know until Kendall wakes up...if she awakes at all. And I want you to be prepared for her not to."  
  
"How am I suppose to prepare for that?" Bianca asked coldly, setting her hurt and confused eyes on Maria's apologetic ones, "Tell me how I'm suppose to prepare for life without my sister."  
  
"Honey," Maggie began softly, tilting her head slightly towards Bianca, "she's just trying to be honest."  
  
"Yeah, well," Bianca stood to her feet abruptly, again adjusting the grouchy child in her arms, and snapped, "I don't want anymore honesty or preparation. I want to see my sister."  
  
Hesitantly, Maggie followed her to a stand and sigh softly, "Bianca...are you sure that--"  
  
"I'm sick of discussing this back and forth. My sister will be fine!" Lowering her voice in response to her daughter's loud cries, she lightly bounced the child in her arms, "And I want to be there the second she wakes up. So, whenever the hospital gets to their job, I want to be in that room with my sister."  
  
~*~  
  
Adam beamed upon entrance into JR's room and spoke optimistically despite his son's occupied gaze elsewhere, "Thank God, you're all right."  
  
JR glanced towards his brother and ex-wife to the corner of the room, sighing heavily, "I'm sorry for your worry."  
  
"I wasn't worried." Babe insisted to their confused gaze, uncrossing her arms and heading towards the door, "I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead yet."  
  
Once she had exited the room, Jaime offered him a small nod and accompanied it with a smile of relief, "I'm glad you're okay."  
  
"Thank you." JR accepted the comment gracefully before inquiring of the room, "What's the word on Kendall?"  
  
The room was silent for a moment, Adam setting his steel gaze elsewhere while Jaime simple shook his head.  
  
"Dad? Jaime? Anyone can take this one."  
  
Jaime stepped up, replying, "I overheard Maria on the way here, something about the ICU."   
  
Closing his eyes tightly, JR took a deep breath and calmed himself down. When he felt prepared for movement, he gently requested Jaime, "Could you get me out of here?"  
  
Accepting the request with a small smile, Jaime headed out of the room and did so without protest.  
  
Adam stepped forward, shocked and disgusted by his son's question...and who it was directed towards, "Wait a second, wait a second, you can't leave this room."  
  
"You're wrong." Tossing the covers of himself, he slowly got his legs on the opposite side of the bed and faced away from his father, "that's exactly what I plan to do."  
  
"JR, you were just in an accident! One that could have killed you! And further more by the crazy woman who--"  
  
"Watch it!" JR snapped quickly and shot a warning glance over his shoulder, softening his voice and demeanor as Jaime returned to the room.   
  
Once he received JR's nod in response to his silent inquiry if the item would work, Jaime moved the chair to JR's bedside.  
  
JR grabbed his hospital robe nearby and pulled it on, getting into the chair, with Jaime's assistance.  
  
When he was secure, Jaime took his signal and turned wheeled the chair towards the door.  
  
The two of them were quickly stopped by Adam's stance before the exit, "I can't allow this."  
  
"You're not allowing anything. You don't have a choice." JR challenged, fully aware of his brother's angry stare behind him, and added, "Move out of the way before I have him run you over."


	3. Chapter 3

"JR, are you sure you want to do this?"  
  
"It's not up for discussion." JR's eyes met the man he once acknowledged as his brother, sighing, "I have to see her, Jaime. Just...understand that."  
  
Nodding slowly, Jaime wheeled him off the elevator and towards the room JR had threatened a nurse to tell him.  
  
 _Still a true Chandler._    
  
Jaime thought sadly but shook off the feeling just long enough to take JR to the room. Stepping out from behind him, he opened the door but kept his eyes from peering inside...and JR's heartbroken stare reminded him why.  
  
Without a second thought, JR was wheeling himself in the room and to her side.  
  
Jaime let the door shut behind him, stepping away with a deep breath, and stood thankful for some small sign of the man he use to know.  
  
A man who cared about someone besides himself...  
  
And JR did.   
  
Kendall had been and become his only friend, the one person he could always turn to, and there she was.  
  
The top of her had was wrapped tightly in its bandage, her body bruised and cut, while her body was sustained by the machines around her.  
  
It was impossible to ignore the pain. Because it was unbearable, and it consumed him as he stared at her.  
  
Taking her fragile hand into his own, his lip queered in response to the wires which nearly restrained her from the contact.  
  
"Oh God..." JR whispered breathlessly, holding her hand in tightly within his own, and tried remained composed, "Kendall, what did you do...what did you do to yourself?"  
  
Before an answer could come, he was sobbing uncontrollably into his hands which grasped hers tightly between them.  
  
~*~  
  
"Now, Bianca, I want to warn you that--"  
  
"Don't warn me about anything, Maria.  _ **Please**_ ," Bianca met the doctor's eyes sadly with her own as the elevator doors opened, "just get me to my sister."  
  
"All right..." Maria nodded slowly, gesturing for Bianca to step off with Miranda in her arms and Maggie in toe. Once off, she signaled to the desk everything was fine and turned to them, "Bianca, I can let you in no problem, but...it may be better if Miranda stayed out here with Maggie."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, I know you will be upset and Miranda will respond."  
  
"Hon," Maggie gently touched her arm, catching Maria's underlining warning...that Kendall's appearance may be too much, "let me take Miranda, and you can have a second alone with Kendall."  
  
Turning to face her, Bianca looked somewhat offended while speaking softly, "I want you and Miranda with me."  
  
"And I want to be there." Maggie confessed sadly, lifting her hand to caress her cheek, "But it's probably best if you did this on your own."  
  
As the baby began to fuss, she let out a long sigh and slowly handed over her child, "Okay..."  
  
Maggie accepted the child in her arms, giving Bianca's lips a soft kiss before pulling away, and whispered, "We'll be right here waiting for you, I promise."  
  
Unsure what to do with herself, Bianca uncomfortably followed Maria away from her family with one strong statement, "I love you."  
  
Smiling sadly in her direction, Maggie agreed quietly, "We love you, too."  
  
Maggie sat in the nearest seat and anxiously waited Bianca's return, praying silently the entire wait.  
  
~*~  
  
Jaime paced outside of Kendall's hospital room, trying to make sure no one caught his brother, and tried to forget Babe's anger earlier.  
  
She had become a close friend, but he had to stick by family...no matter what.  
  
JR had done horrible things, let Adam program him, but Jaime believed he could redeem himself. Somehow...he could make it okay.   
  
Before he could continue with his optimism, a voice was suddenly bringing him back to reality.  
  
"Bianca, I have to warn you about a couple of things since you haven't seen her yet."  
  
"I know it's bad."  
  
"Yes, but...I'm not sure you've taken in to account how severe your sister's injuries are."  
  
"It doesn't matter what you or anyone else says. My sister will wake up." Bianca struck Maria with her dark stare, "I know it. I  _ **know**_  my sister. She's going to be fine."  
  
"Fine, but--" Stopping herself, Maria frowned towards the young man posted in front of the door, "Jaime, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Uh..." He moved nervously under the pressure, nervous about Bianca's furious glare, "I, um..."  
  
Maria gestured towards the door, laughing sharply in disbelief, "How did you get up here?"  
  
Before Jaime could respond, Bianca hissed, "He's in there, isn't he?"   
  
"Yes, but--before you get angry with him--"  
  
Bianca pushed past Jaime and into Kendall's room, ignoring Maria and Jaime's protest. Staring coldly towards the man at Kendall's side, she made one thing clear to everyone, "Get out."  
  
JR's eyes shot to hers immediately, the tears evident, as he whispered softly, "Bianca."  
  
"Get away from her!" Bianca shouted, standing opposite of JR, and glared coldly towards him, stating firmly to everyone else, "I want him out."  
  
Trying to reason, JR begged softly, "Bianca, please..."  
  
"No! You practically destroy everyone I love, and you expect me to stand here while you do the same to her?" She pointed her finger angrily towards the door, "I don't think so! Get the hell out!"  
  
Stepping forward, Maria softly urged, "JR,I have to ask you to leave."  
  
Jaime immediately took JR's side, pleading on his behalf, "Bianca, Maria, come on...that's his best friend."   
  
"No," Taking a deep breath, JR met Bianca's eyes with his own and confessed, "I understand what you think of me, what you feel towards me, and I don't blame you. For that reason, I'll leave. But..." His eyes drifted to Kendall, his voice become shaky, "she's all I've got, Bianca. My only friend, and you--you've got to understand that I'm just as scared as you are."  
  
Bianca said nothing, but her eyes softened slightly. When she noted his awareness of this, her head hung down.  
  
Kissing Kendall's hand softly, JR reached a hand to her cheek and vowed, "I'm with you, Kendall....always."  
  
With that, he lied her hand beside her and signaled for a reluctant Jaime to wheel him out of the room.   
  
Bianca's eyes remained bravely on her sister as they left.  
  
"Page me, if you need anything."  
  
She nodded in response, waiting for Maria to leave, before raising her hand to her mouth, silencing her sobs.  
  
Reaching out with her free hand, Bianca smiled and spoke through tears, "Hey, sis. It's me...it's Bianca." She choked back a sob, sniffling softly, while stroking her sister's arm, "I'm not going anywhere, do you hear me? I'm not moving an inch until you wake up."  
  
Without another word, she leaned down carefully, lying her head on Kendall's shoulder, and wrapped an arm around her, patiently awaiting her sister's return.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Are you here to join the we hate JR fan club?"  
  
"No, are you a card holding member of the against Kendall organization?"  
  
JR bowed his head, too wound to smile, and replied softly, "No."  
  
"Then I guess that makes us friends."  
  
"I guess." He agreed firmly as she took a seat beside him on the Chandler terrace, "It's just the rest of the town that hates me."  
  
"Us, JR. We are the outcasts of Pine Valley, born and breed to make the rest of this hypocritical town feel good about themselves."  
  
"I'm an idiot. I pushed everyone and everything away for what? I've got nothing anymore. And, if you were smart, you'd make like a bat out of hell and jet in the other direction."  
  
"My, my. I've been accused of a lot of things but, and I hate to admit this, being smart was never one of 'em."  
  
"I'm serious, Kendall."  
  
"I am, too." Taking his reluctant hand into her own, she waited for their stare to lock and stated strongly, "I'm not going anywhere."_  
  
JR pushed his head back into the lumpy pillow and tightened his jaw at the memory of her.  
  
After finding out Bess Chandler was Miranda Kane, his world had suddenly spun out of control. And Kendall Hart was the only one to stand proudly beside him...still.  
  
Now, his best and only friend was lying in the ICU fighting for her life....and he simply lied their helpless...praying to a god he was not even sure existed...  
  
 _Please, please, don't let her die. Just, please, bring her back to me. I'd give up everything...just to have her safe._  
  
~*~  
  
"Bianca, please..."  
  
"I'm not leaving her."  
  
"You haven't left her since last night. I'm begging you to just eat something, just...say hi to Miranda. Just...take a little break before you lose it."  
  
"I'm not leaving my sister, Maggie. She needs me."  
  
"She needs you happy and healthy. She needs you to be at your best so that when she wakes up, you can take care of her, okay? Please, hon, I'm begging you."  
  
Bianca stared towards her sister with heartbroken tears, clinging to Maggie's arms around her neck, "I can't lose her, Maggie."  
  
"You won't."  
  
"Miranda and our family...we can't...we can't lose her."  
  
"You won't." Maggie assured her, kissing her cheek softly and pressing her forehead to Bianca's temple, "She'll be fine, Bianca. Everything will be okay."  
  
"Does--does mom know?"  
  
"Yes, her and Jack are flying home as we speak."  
  
"Just what they need, huh? Mom and Jack were living for this honeymoon and are jetting back to be at Kendall's bedside."  
  
"Please, come and get some fresh air."  
  
"But, if she wakes up, I want--"  
  
"I'm not taking no for an answer, Bianca. I love you, and our daughter needs you to make this seem minimal, all right? Just...just take a minute away from this...for me."  
  
"I just...I can't leave her alone..."  
  
"She won't be."   
  
Bianca stood, leaving Maggie's arms, and the two of them faced the door to see him standing there calmly, "Aidan."  
  
"I need just a little time, alone, if it's all right with you."  
  
"Of course." Maggie nodded slowly, taking Bianca's hand in her own, and carefully lead her out of the room, "We'll be back as soon as possible, all right?"  
  
Aidan nodded slowly, entering the room as they reluctantly made their exit, and waited for the door to close before braving a look at Kendall.  
  
Once he had, the tears were flooded his vision and sent him to her side.  
  
Kendall did nothing except lie there, cut, bruised, and dead to the world.  
  
Aidan touched her cautiously, unsure if it was the right thing to do, and fought to remain composed, "Why did you do this? Why didn't you come to me?....Why didn't you let me help you?"  
  
Taking her hand in his own, he brushed her cheek with his fingertips and drew in a deep breath.  
  
He could hear her reply even as she lied there clueless.   
  
She did not come to him because he had abandoned her. He turned his back on her from everyone, including Anita.   
  
For that, she had done this. Because she was scared and alone...with no one to depend on.  
  
"I know what I've done. I use to be the only person who got it, who got you, and I just walked away." Blinking back tears, Aidan clasped her hands in his and confessed, "And I walked away before you didn't love me too. Because I couldn't just be your friend, and I'm so sorry. Kendall...please...please, give me the chance to tell you that. Please, don't leave...wake up."  
  
~*~  
  
 _"No, Kendall, no! You're not alone! I'm right here!" When she silenced, he went on with force, "I know it's hard. I know life sucks right now. Believe me, if anyone knows, it's me. I lost Babe and Bess..."  
  
"Bianca and Miranda don't need me."  
  
"And no one needs me except you. Which is why I'm here, so...use me. Don't--don't shut me out, and just--stop this car. Let's go somewhere and talk."  
  
Kendall focused completely on her raw emotions and rambled on, "Everyone will abandon me the minute it gets a little tough...the second they can't handle me."  
  
"Please, stop the car."  
  
"It stops now."  
  
"Damn it, stop the car!"  
  
"JR, you got in the car!" Breathing heavily, Kendall shot her eyes to his, "I know you're trying to help, but you'd do us both a favor, if you just--"  
  
"Kendall, look out!!!"_  
  
Shooting up to a seated position, JR's wide eyed quickly soaked in the sight of his hospital room.  
  
He buried his face in his hands, vaguely aware of the sweat enveloping his body, and tried to catch his breath.  
  
It was impossible.   
  
Every time he blinked, every moment he got lost in the silence, every time there was darkness...her face was suddenly there.  
  
 _That's it._  
  
He thought, frustrated, and got out of bed. Mindful of his injuries, JR pulled on a hospital robe and escaped his room...determined to Kendall again.  
  
~*~  
  
He observed the room from the shadows. And, after a lengthy amount of time, Aidan had finally left her room.  
  
Bianca would be back any minute, he was sure of it.  
  
So his time was limited.  
  
 _Well, Ryan, if you want to make things right with Kendall, you've got to actually enter the room._


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan stood right at the door for what seemed like a lifetime, nearly suffocated by his tears, and tried to take everything about her lying there.  
  
In that amount of time, he saw all the great things about his life suddenly stripped from him again.  
  
Everything from Kendall's acceptance of his proposal...to his marriage to Gillian...every high inevitably followed by a terrible lose which nearly robbed him of his every breath.  
  
Kendall lied lifeless, and it stabbed him deeply in the chest. Because she had been a lot of things in her life...but never lifeless...never this dead.  
  
He sat in the chair at her side, tears beginning to escape his eyes, but failed to touch her.  
  
Ryan felt as though he was trespassing, like even the reminder of her skin was forbidden, especially as he wore a wedding band committing himself to someone else.  
  
"I can't believe this." Glancing at her every injury, his muscles tensed as he continued to think aloud, "I can't believe what we've done to each other...that you're lying here..." An angry, bitter, wounded laugh let his lips before he regained his composure and went on, "I don't know what to say to you...without it sounding completely false and extremely late."  
  
He wiped his mouth nervously, feeling as his words were tainted, and stared at her peaceful slumber like look, "I wish I could take it all back...every good and bad thing between us so neither one of us had to lose it...and more than once." Taking a deep breath, Ryan reached out to her hand but stopped himself from touching her, "Do you...remember that day you tried to stop me from marrying Greenlee? The day you told me to marry you instead, the woman I really loved? I thought that would be the hardest thing I ever had to do...tell you it was over for the very last time."  
  
As he explained it, the image of her clouded his mind.   
  
Dressed in pure white, her eyes filled with hope for a bright future with him. Her smile literally faded in the sun as she realized they were over...that he was letting go.  
  
"I was so wrong." He admitted softly, sniffling softly and trying to force back tears, "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do...see you like this...wonder if you'll ever be around to cause trouble again..." Touching his fingertips to her cheek, he ached to hear see her look into his eyes one more time, "...to make me fall in love with you again."  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
Ryan's eyes shot to the door, surprised to see the angry Chandler staring back at him, "JR?"  
  
"Get away from her!"  
  
~*~  
  
Looking away from their messy child, Maggie let out a long somewhat frustrated sigh, "Bianca...you haven't touched your food."  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"You have to eat something."  
  
"Maggie!" She snapped, lowering her voice when their eyes met, and reiterated, "I'm not hungry right now, all right?"  
  
"Is this what you think Kendall would want?" Noting the anger in her partner's eyes, Maggie stared sarcastically back at her, "What? You want to get mad at me now? You want to push me away? Go ahead, because it isn't going to work. And, if anyone else is afraid to tell you, I'm not."  
  
For a moment, they sat in their dark corner of the hospital cafeteria with crystal clear anger towards once another.  
  
It took Bianca a minute, a little time to observe Maggie feeding Miranda...and being strong, before she reacted.  
  
Maggie's eyes shot to her girlfriend's when feeling the soft touch on her hand. Smiling sadly, she allowed Bianca to lace their fingers in the center of the table.  
  
"I'm sorry. I--I don't want to be taking this out on you."  
  
"You're not. I'm a big girl, I understand." Maggie insisted, squeezing her hand, and spoke gently to her, concerned for her in every sense of the word, "But, Bianca, please don't shut me out. You can be yourself with me, whether you're scared or sad...I'll be here to hold you or wipe your tears. I'm the better half, remember? Let me do my job."  
  
"My better half...still can't get over the fact that I've converted you to the dark side."  
  
Maggie caught the playful tone behind her cynical comment, chuckling, "Oh, are we talking like your mom now? Suddenly, we're on the dark side because we love each other."  
  
"Loving each other is one thing. Being  **in love**  is a completely different thing. Remember, mom only sees the lesbian aspect."  
  
"At least she's a little better than she was, Bianca. It's hard to get over the fact that Erica Kane's trophy daughter is never going to marry the knight in shining armor and live happily ever after."  
  
"I don't know." Bianca stared deeply into her eyes, smiling thoughtfully, "I think we're doing pretty good with the happily ever after."  
  
Maggie used her free hand to reach across the table to her cheek, nodding slowly, "I think so too."  
  
"Except for this..." Unable to maintain her happiness, Bianca suddenly broke down to tears again, "I--I can't do it. I can't stop thinking about it."  
  
"Shh..." Maggie stroked her forearm, tightened her grip on their joined hand, and whispered softly, "This will all work out for the best." Kissing Bianca's hand as she lied on the table, she promised her, "Happily ever after...we'll all get   
through this."  
  
"I just--can we go back upstairs, please?" Bianca pleaded, taking a deep breath, and sobbed, "I need to be with her."  
  
"Of course."  
  
~*~  
  
"You don't deserve to be anywhere near her, Ryan."  
  
"I guess that makes two of us, JR."  
  
Wheeling his chair further into the room, he corrected the arrogant blond quickly, "Kendall would have wanted me here, no matter what Bianca says. You on the other hand? Kendall would rather die than have you sitting there, wallowing in your self pity."  
  
"You have no right to speak for her."  
  
"I have every right! I've been there, remember?"  
  
"What do you want for that, JR? Some kind of pat on the back? You've been there for her because she's done the same for you."  
  
"Yeah, and imagine that! I haven't turned my back on her like some spineless men who just can't seem to handle a real woman like Kendall! Instead, they have to run with little runner ups like Greenlee!"  
  
"You have no right to talk about my wife! You know nothing about my marriage!"  
  
"Really? Well, I know I don't see your wife anywhere around! I know I see you trying to beg forgiveness of an unconscious woman who has been nothing but betrayed by you! Now, you tell me, Ryan, am I missing anything?"  
  
"And you know everything, right? This coming from the man who managed to single handedly ruin the lives of numerous people because he just couldn't tell daddy no? Isn't that ironic?"  
  
"At least I answer to myself, Ryan, which is more than I can say for you or anyone else in this town except for my best friend who is lying there in coma while you whine about how pathetic you are!"  
  
"Again, just like your father, trying to speak for everyone else! Kendall knew me, and I knew her, get over it."  
  
"I  **know**  her now, Ryan, and you know nothing."  
  
"Oh yeah, what do you know that I don't?"  
  
~*~  
  
Bianca, Maggie, and Miranda inched closer to Kendall's hospital room, caught of guard when they heard combative voices from inside.  
  
Bianca prepared herself to storm in, but Maggie caught her wrist and stopped her.  
  
With a gestured of her head, Maggie signaled her to listen to the argument going on inside...  
  
"I know that Kendall loved you and a lot of other men more than you ever deserved. I know Michael nearly destroyed her, but Bianca's belief in her saved her life. And I know you nearly broke her completely, but Aidan was the one who sent her driving out of control."   
  
~*~  
  
JR parked himself next to her opposite side, taking her hand in his, and elaborated, "I know that she's got more integrity and strength than most of Pine Valley. And that when she loves you, she never does it halfway...it's always with her whole heart." Meeting Ryan's eyes coldly, he concluded, "And that's why I've stuck by her. She doesn't need judgment, she needs understanding, and I've just been waiting for her to realize that I'm the only one who can do that for her. Not you, not Aidan, just me."  
  
"This isn't a high school crush gone twenty one, JR. Kendall will never love you, and stalking her while she's unconscious isn't going to impress anyone."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure."  
  
Ryan and JR looked to the door to see Maggie, with Miranda on her hip, standing proudly beside Bianca with a sarcastic smile aimed towards Ryan.  
  
Adjusting the child on her hip, Maggie hissed, "I think JR impressed someone."  
  
"Did you really mean that?" Bianca asked softly, searching JR's eyes for the answer, "What you said about Kendall?"  
  
Nodding slowly, JR grinned sadly, "Every word."  
  
"I suggest you get the hell out of here, Ryan. If anyone's stalking my sister in law, at this point, it's you."  
  
Ryan exited the room, full of frustration, but restrained himself from responding to anyone on the trip out.  
  
After an awkward moment of silence, JR began to wheel himself towards the door, "I'll get out of your way."   
  
"No, JR, wait..." Bianca stopped him softly, residing at Kendall's side, and suggested happily, while stroking her sister's hair, "why don't you stick around a little longer?"  
  
Letting a surprised, yet thankful look emerge, JR agreed quietly, "I'd like that."


	6. Chapter 6

It had been nearly forty eight hours since Kendall had arrived in the ICU, and she showed no signs of improvement, instead she remained perfectly still.  
  
People had come and gone...but the two people who stood to lose the most remained at her side.  
  
Blinking heavy tears back to the best of her ability, she broke the silence between them with a sorrow filled inquiry, "Why did she get in the car? Why did she do this to herself?"  
  
"She didn't think she'd get hurt, Bianca."  
  
"What did she think would happen?"  
  
He smiled sadly towards his best friend, replying softly, "She thought she could escape. She thought she'd be able to forget it all for a minute, you know?"  
  
"But why? Because of Aidan and Ryan? They aren't worth her time, much less her life. JR, why would she think this was the answer?"  
  
"She didn't think she'd end up here. All she was thinking about was how lonely she was."  
  
"Lonely? Why not just come to me?"  
  
"Bianca, you have your own family." Bowing his head, thoughtful of the things both he and Kendall lacked, JR explained carefully, "You, Miranda, and Maggie have your own life, together. She wanted something that was hers, alone, and it--it just never seemed to happen. She saw you and Erica, happy, and she was happy for you. But...she was also left out. Not because of your actions, but because of her place in the puzzle."  
  
"...but the point is, without her, we're not whole."  
  
"I know."  
  
~*~  
  
"I can't stand this, Jack. My daughter is lying in the hospital, fighting for her life, and I'm not even in town."  
  
"Erica, you can't blame yourself. She knew where you were going, and that you were happy." He paused, initiating their eye contact, and offered gently, "She was happy for you."  
  
"She's so messed up, Jack. I love her. But she's so lost. She just--she has no clue to do with herself. She's been beaten so long, that..." Erica's eyes wandered out the window as she trailed off, almost too hurt to continue, "I helped do that to her, you know? I made her feel worthless for most of her life because of what that man did to me."  
  
"You didn't put her in the hospital. She did something stupid, and she's in ICU. But she'll be okay." Jack wrapped an arm around Erica's shaky shoulders and reminded her, "You have accepted Kendall, faults and all. Forget how long it took, you did it. She's been your daughter. She stood as one of your bridesmaids. Erica," He lifted her chin and made her face him, even weakly, "you  _ **love**_  Kendall, and she knows that."  
  
Erica let out a long shaky exhale, confessing her heartbreak, "...but it still wasn't enough to keep her out of that car."  
  
Embracing her warmly, Jack kissed the top of her head and whispered, "We'll be home soon...and things will all work out. You'll see."  
  
~*~  
  
 _"...when she loves you, she never does it halfway...it's always with her whole heart...And that's why I've stuck by her. She doesn't need judgment, she needs understanding, and I've just been waiting for her to realize that I'm the only one who can do that for her. Not you, not Aidan, just me."_  
  
Ryan continued to sit on the terrace at the hospital, going over the argument over and over again.  
  
It made sense, and he knew it.  
  
But he needed to be there. Needed Kendall to know he loved her enough to stick by her side, no matter what they had done to each other.  
  
 _I will always love Kendall._  
  
Though he thought the words, he could never bring himself to say it to the people who needed to hear it most.  
  
Greenlee...Kendall...himself, instead he buried it while working and running from anything that so much as brushed the soul inside of him.  
  
The worst part of all was knowing he had put himself in this hell, without help from a single individual. He had used the woman he sincerely cared for against each other in an effort to conceal the pain.  
  
The pain of losing, having, loving a woman like Kendall.  
  
And the deal with Greenlee seemed so perfect. No one would be hurt, there would be trust, and their lives would be blissfully simple forever.  
  
But he never expected to feel the way he did.   
  
While sitting there, only hours after seeing her, Ryan felt the need to save Kendall all over again.  
  
He wanted that feeling back.   
  
When what their love was innocent, when they protected each other, a time when the last thing they had to worry about was being hurt by each other...before they had crossed the point of no return.  
  
JR was right. He had no clue who Kendall was anymore.  
  
The woman he had known and loved had evolved into something he did not recognize...and it had been a choice had selfishly made when the pain overwhelmed him.  
  
"I guess you haven't left either, huh?"  
  
Ryan's thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice, sending his eyes over his shoulder at the man.  
  
"I tried to leave, but...just didn't make it out the door."  
  
"Aidan." Ryan sighed, staring towards his tight fists, and inquired carefully, "Any news?"  
  
"No, no change in anything..."  
  
"Which means no improvement, right?"  
  
"Right." Grabbing a near by chair, Aidan sat down with a sharp breath, "It's different, isn't it?"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Worrying about her all over again."   
  
Their eyes met, their separate histories with the wild Kane daughter evident within their stare, and they shared a slow nod of mutual acknowledgement...of respect.  
  
"Have you been into see her?"  
  
"Yeah...before JR Chandler chased me out....doesn't matter anyway. Maggie was ready to chase me out of the hospital before Kendall was even brought in."  
  
"Maggie is a little overprotective these days." Laughing quietly, bitterly, Aidan bowed his head and thought aloud, "I hate to see her like that...doesn't seem like her at all."  
  
"What quiet?"  
  
They shared a soft laugh, both wounded by the memories of arguments and terrible endings with her.  
  
"I haven't been a good friend--" He struggled with himself, thinking of the past few months..his increasing interest in Anita over any and everything else, "...a good anything to her. If anything, it's like we've grown apart."  
  
"...with me too. Kendall and I are so far in the past that...it feels like another lifetime. Like I shouldn't even be here."  
  
"Kendall would want us all here...no matter what happens."  
  
"Ryan?"   
  
His eyes grew wide as he stood to his feet, "Greenlee."  
  
They looked to see his wife and brother-in-law rushing towards him.  
  
"Oh my God, do we know anything?" She embraced him warmly, continuing, "Is she okay?"  
  
Ryan's eyes met Reggie's, and their dislike for each other was evident.  
  
Reggie had made it clear that Ryan would never get away with hurting any of his sisters again.  
  
"She's in ICU. She's been in a coma since the accident."  
  
Greenlee pulled away, gasping softly, "Poor Bianca, where is she? Is she okay?"  
  
Reggie, Ryan, and Aidan remained silent...thinking of Kendall's little sister heartbroken upstairs.  
  
~*~  
  
"Come on, Kendall...." Bianca whispered softly, tears continuing to moisten her fair cheeks, and pleaded helplessly with her sister, "please, just...wake up. I need you here. I need you to help me with Miranda...with life."  
  
"We all do." JR reiterated, causing their eyes to meet sadly, "We all need her more than she knows."  
  
They shared a moment of silence, and Bianca's head fell to Kendall's shoulder.  
  
JR continued to clasp Kendall's hand in his own, praying for some kind of sign, and pressed his forehead to her cold skin, carefully watching Bianca take in the sight.  
  
Suddenly, JR felt some kind of reaction and looked to Bianca whose attention was elsewhere.  
  
"Did you see that?"  
  
"See what?" Bianca's head spun over to him in reaction, her attention following his to Kendall's hand, "What happened?"  
  
"She moved. She just moved."  
  
They waited patiently, but nothing happened.  
  
"Come on, Kendall. Don't let me down." JR spoke quietly to himself, grasping her hand tightly, "Show me you hear me...just one more time."  
  
Her hand jumped suddenly, causing their eyes to widen with hope.  
  
"Kendall?" Bianca turned away from JR's hand and focused on her frozen, "Kendall, come back to us. Open your eyes, please. Just--show us you're okay."  
  
The two of them waited in vain.  
  
Bianca took a deep breath, offering a weak smile, and turned to JR, "Just keep talking to her. Keep her moving, okay? I'm--I'm going to get a doctor."  
  
"Okay."   
  
Bianca rushed out of the room, leaving JR to revive her.  
  
But now he had not a clue what to say.  
  
Holding her hand tightly, he confessed softly, "You have to wake up, Kendall....you're all the family I've got. I just...I'm not gonna be able to get through losing you, all right? So...come back...wake up."  
  
JR stared at her hand for what seemed like a lifetime.   
  
Nothing, not even the brush of her fingertip.  
  
He knew he would have nothing to show to Bianca and kissed Kendall's hand softly, assuring her, "You can come back whenever you want...as long as you come back."  
  
Smiling sadly, he rested his temple to her hand and finally faced her again.  
  
And their eyes met.  
  
Tears filled his eyes as he stared into the innocent blue eyes of his best friend, "Kendall?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Kendall, you're awake." JR spoke in relieved disbelief, standing to his feet, and looked deeply into her eyes, "Are you okay? Does--does anything hurt? Are you in any kind of pain or--?"  
  
Blinking back tears, her breath became shaky.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
Again, there was nothing but her terrified look.  
  
"Kendall, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."  
  
"Look, she's awake!"   
  
Bianca's outburst sent their eyes shooting to the doorway where she entered with Maria and Dr. Martin in toe.  
  
"I told you." Immediately at her sister's side, she stroked Kendall's hair with a bright smile, proclaiming, "I told you she would be okay that...that she'd wake up just fine."  
  
JR watched the scene unfold before him in confusion.  
  
While Bianca's emotions seemed completely reasonable, it seemed as though everyone else had a reason for her to calm down.  
  
 _What's going on? Why isn't Kendall saying anything?_  
  
"You had me so worried." Bianca whispered softly, kissing her sister's cheek softly, and ordered her, "Don't you ever do that to me again, do you understand me? I can't lose you. No one in the family can. We need you."  
  
"Bianca, sweetie," Pulling her away gently, Maria suggested, "why don't you go tell everyone the good news while we examine your sister?"  
  
"JR can do it. I'm not leaving her."  
  
Dr. Martin chimed in quickly, offering a sweet smile, "She's right, Bianca. Maria and I will only be a moment."  
  
Sensing she had no choice, Bianca turned to her sister and grinned, "I'll be right back, okay? With the whole family."  
  
JR watched Kendall's reaction closely, seeing none but fear. Eventually, he followed Bianca out of the room.  
  
Maria checked the door, clearing the coast, before giving him a firm nod.  
  
"Kendall? Do you know where you are?"  
  
She bounced her eyes between them, confused and scared, and shook her head negatively.  
  
"You're in Pine Valley Hospital. You had a terrible car accident...do you remember that?"  
  
Again, she replied negatively.  
  
"You and JR were in car accident. As you can see, he's absolutely fine, but...you suffered head trauma." He noted her every reaction, catching Maria's tearful stare from the corner of his eye, and remained positive, smiling supportively, "I need to ask you some very tough questions. I need you to answer them honestly. They're going to help assess the severity of your trauma, okay?"  
  
Kendall nodded slowly, still looking at the world confused.  
  
~*~  
  
The waiting room was filled with the deep thoughts of the people occupying the space, completely silent.  
  
Until the doors burst open, and one woman commanded the room as she always had.  
  
"Where is she? Where's Kendall?"  
  
"Erica." Her name left his lips in total relief, before his feet rushed towards her new husband, "Dad."  
  
Jackson embraced Reggie supportively, nodding towards his wife to proceed through the room for information.  
  
"Will someone please tell me what's going on with my daughter?  _ **Now**_?"  
  
"Mom?"   
  
Her angelic voiced filled the air and sent the room's attention to her. And, within seconds, her bright smile answered the question burning a whole in their heads.  
  
"It's okay." Bianca nodded firmly, laughing softly out of pure joy, and repeated softly, hugging her mother tightly, "Kendall's awake. She's going to be okay."  
  
Shutting her eyes tightly, releasing tears of relief and thanks, Erica held her daughter closely.  
  
While the room embraced their joy, he stood concerned.  
  
 _Why wasn't she answering me? What's she so afraid of?_  
  
"JR, did you hear the news?"  
  
He smiled slightly, obviously conflicted, as two friendly familiars appeared before him, "Yeah...I was there."  
  
"And you're not pulling cart wheels through this place?" The older male chimed in, patting his shoulder supportively, "You wouldn't even let the doctors touch you until you knew she was safe."  
  
"I know, Tad, but..." Sneaking another look towards the happy Kane/Montgomery clan, JR let out a heavy sigh and shared his deepest fear, "I think something's wrong with Kendall."  
  
"What?"  
  
"She wasn't right, Jaime. There--there was something in her eyes like--"  
  
"Like what, son?"  
  
He bounced his deep blue eyes between Tad and Jaime, confessing, "...like she wasn't all there. Like something was off."  
  
"Well...they said she had severe head trauma, right?" Jaime chimed in, looking to his father for support, adding, "That's why Grandpa's in there, right, dad?"  
  
"Right, but what do you mean, JR? Did she seem like she was in pain or--"  
  
"No, it's like--okay, they repeated her name to her and...she acted weird. Like her own name scared her or something."  
  
"Maybe, she remembers the accident."  
  
"It's more than that, Jaime. Something is  _ **really**_  wrong."  
  
"Just be patient, all right?" Tad grasped JR's shoulder supportively, assuring him, "We'll know soon enough."  
  
~*~  
  
"How..." Struggling to remain composed, she waited for the door to shut behind him before asking, "how do we tell them this?"  
  
He bowed his head thoughtfully, bracing himself for the reactions he was sure they would receive, and lead her towards the waiting room.  
  
"Joe, they've already been through so much. With Miranda and...just everything."  
  
"We just have to be there for the patient, Maria. We sympathize with the family but, ultimately, Kendall will be our concern."  
  
"Kendall will be everyone's concern."  
  
"What's that suppose to mean?"  
  
Joe and Maria found themselves face to face with Kendall's number one supporters, very aware they were no were near ready to share the news.  
  
"Why would you say that?"  
  
"More importantly, why will everyone will be concerned with my daughter?"  
  
~*~  
  
He had slipped away from the crowd and, before he knew it, stood in front of her hospital room door.  
  
Through a tiny window, he focused on the object of his never ending obsession.  
  
 _She's okay. Kendall is okay, and you can go home. To your wife, Ryan._  
  
His thoughts were interrupted as he spotted her eyes set bravely on the window, glowing in the sunset.  
  
Instantly, he saw the tears falling rapidly from her eyes as she stared out...clearly trying to fight the urge to breakdown.  
  
 _Does she know I'm here? Did she hear me?_  
  
Ryan searched the corridor, checking for any road blocks before selfishly entering the room.  
  
"Kendall?"  
  
The moment her name escaped his lips, her eyes were set on him.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
She said nothing.  
  
Instead, she simply tightened her jaw and looked away.  
  
"Besides me and the accident," He set his gaze on the floor, answering his own question quietly, "is there anything I can do?"  
  
Kendall let out a sharp laugh, shaking her head in disgust.  
  
"You can talk to me. I just want to help you out. Just tell me what's wrong."  
  
Suddenly, her raspy voice caught him off guard, "...like you don't know."  
  
"That's just it. I don't."  
  
"Please, go away. Just--leave me alone."  
  
"Kendall, I want to help."  
  
"Look, buddy, I don't know who you are or what your need to be here is, but I just want you gone. Okay? Get it?"   
  
"Right, suddenly, you don't remember anything about me, is that it?"  
  
"Yes! That's it!"  
  
"God, you are unbelievable, you know that!" Ryan reacted angrily then, after a moment, saw the honestly in her eyes, "Wait a minute..." Stepping closer, he took down every reaction and felt the tears rush to his eyes, "Kendall, are you serious? You--you have no idea who I am?"


	8. Chapter 8

"She--" Blinking her eyes of ebony, she tried to remain strong as she and her mother tried to digest the information, "Nothing? You're telling me my sister remembers nothing?"  
  
"It's temporary." Her mother quickly stepped in, putting a brave front on quickly as she insisted to her daughter and the doctors, "It's gotta be temporary, right?"  
  
Joe offered gently, "We can't say."   
  
"No, you have to say, do you understand me? My daughter--she's lost enough already!"  
  
"Erica, she's going to need support to get through--"  
  
"Don't you dare!" Pointing her index finger aggressively at her familar adversary, she warned her angrily, "Don't you even! Tell me how to treat me daughter!"  
  
"Maria is just trying to--"  
  
"No, Joe, she hates me, and the feeling's mutual! I want to hear you!" Erica felt her daughter's hands on her biceps and began to let her tears interfere with her speak, "You tell me that my daughter isn't gone! You tell me that she's going to get it all back!"  
  
"Erica, I'm sorry." Joe shook his head sadly, placing his hands on her shoulders, "I just--I can't do that. We--have to wait and see."  
  
Trying to remain calm, find the silver lining somewhere, Bianca stepped in, "How long until--we know for sure?"  
  
"I can't say..."  
  
"Of course, you can't! But I'll tell you and your brain dead side kick something!" Erica pushed away all the sympathetic hands and stares, pushing through, "I'll find someone who can!"  
  
"Mom, wait!" Bianca called out in vain, letting out a heavy sigh as she remained in the unsettled dust, and rubbed her forehead in frustration, sighing heavily, "What's the next step?"  
  
"We're going to run some tests, try to detect how much damage was caused, and see if there's anything more we can do other than wait."  
  
"Bianca, keep in mind tests aren't always right." Maria chimed in quickly, offering her a gentle smile, and added, "There are success stories that go far beyond medical reason."  
  
Nodding slowly, she responded sadly, "I just--I want to see my sister right now."  
  
"Of course."  
  
~*~  
  
"Kendall, I had no idea--"  
  
"Leave me alone!"  
  
"Wait, I--"  
  
"Get out!"  
  
"What the hell are you thinking, Ryan?"  
  
The two of them shot their gazes to the door.  
  
Her blue eyes drew in the familiarity of the man, slightly eased by his returned presence.  
  
Standing strong in their presence, he reinterated angrily, "I believe she told you to disappear."  
  
"You knew about this, JR?"  
  
"Ryan, all I know is she wants you gone. If there's anything else, I'll ask her myself."  
  
"I'm not leaving until I know Kendall's safe."  
  
"I'm just fine!" She told them both, ordering once more, "I want you gone!"  
  
Ryan turned to her immediately, softening his stare, and reminded her, "You have to know that--I'm here, if you need me."  
  
Piercing him with her gaze, she hissed, "You know for some reason I doubt that."  
  
The taller blond exited her room without any further arguement, shooting one angrily glare at the man still left within her presence.  
  
Trying to calm down, her head pounding from all the rapid action, she hung her head with a low moan.  
  
He attempted to ease her quickly, promising, "I'll go get your doctor, Kendall."  
  
"No!" She called out quickly, looking to him with a pained expression, "Don't leave...JR, right?"  
  
Nodding slowly, he stepped away from the door and inched closer, "Yeah, you--you remember?"  
  
"Yes, I mean--you were here when I woke up and...you just got rid of big guy so..." She swallowed a lump in her throat, trying to process everything, "you've got to be my friend."  
  
"I am." Pouring a glass of water quickly, he brought it to her with a gentle instruction, "Drink this."  
  
She accepted the glass without hesitation, comforted by the concern of his gaze, and downed it quickly, calming her breath as she did so.  
  
"Did the doctors--do they know what's wrong?"  
  
"I don't even know what's wrong."  
  
"Well--" JR attempted to piece it together, almost as confused as her, and questioned, "What do you remember anything?"  
  
Squaring her shoulders, she shot her eyes towards the door.  
  
"That's okay, Kendall."  
  
Her doubtful blue eyes shot to his.  
  
"If they can't figure it out, I'm sure that we can find someone who does. Someone with a solution."  
  
"Mom's already on it." A voice offered softly, their eyes shooting to the young woman's slight smile, "And we're all here for whatever you need."  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"Bianca." She placed a hand to her chest, trying to keep her heart from falling to the ground, and offered a brighter smile despite her stray tears, "I'm your little sister."  
  
"You don't look so little."  
  
Chuckling at the proclamation, she shrugged her shoulders and approached the foot of her bed, "Figure of speech, the point is we're family."  
  
"Family?" Kendall examined the young woman closely, bouncing her eyes between Bianca and JR, "My sister and my friend? Guess I got nothing to worry about with you two on my side, huh?"


	9. Chapter 9

Struck with the ultimate blow, he raced out the hospital as quickly as possible...only to be stopped upon his exit.  
  
"Ryan, hey." His smooth accent greeted softly before noting Ryan's look and frowned in concern, "What is it? What's wrong?" Frantically, he looked over his shoulder into the hospital and swallowed a lump in his throat, "Is Kendall--?"  
  
Rather than lay it all on him, rather than repeat the whole scene over again, Ryan nodded slowly, "She's awake, Aidan."  
  
The moment the proclamation was there, he rushed inside without another word.  
  
When he had passed, Ryan's eyes shut tightly in an all too familiar, yet all new ache.  
  
 _She's forgotten? No...that can't be...not me...not us._  
  
He drew in a deep breath, recalling her blank stare which transformed into absolute confusion and anger.  
  
 _Kendall, I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry. Just--remember me._  
  
Rubbing his face with his rough hands, he felt his gold wedding band scratch his stubble lightly. Then, it all came rushing back to him.  
  
 _I did this. I told her I didn't want her. Told her I was going to be with her friend for God's sake._  
  
He glanced back towards the hospital entrance, tempted to go back to her but stopped himself.  
  
 _Maybe it's for the best._  
  
Though he repeated this to himself, his heart could not ignore the ache.   
  
He could leave now but, deep down, he knew there had to be a return.  
  
 _I won't let you forget me, Kendall....not ever._  
  
~*~  
  
Aidan ran through the halls, raced up the stairs, and completely ignored anyone in the way.  
  
So caught up in his need, he had completely ignored his girlfriend's calls as he entered.  
  
 _Kendall...she's alive...she's awake...I still have a chance to--_  
  
Before he could finish a clear thought, he was mere steps away from her door...and among the crowd.  
  
The Kane/Montgomery family was in attendance for the most part, facing Joe and Maria, while Jaime and Tad stood in the corner, hanging on every word of exchange.  
  
Slow to approach, Aidan remained silent and in the background.  
  
"Erica, I understand that you're upset--"  
  
"You understand nothing! I will not let you simply write off my daughter the way everyone wrote out your sidekick Santos over there!"  
  
Maria laughed sharply, furious with the constant reminder of her 'other' life.  
  
Placing his hands on his wife's slender shoulders, Jack offered a voice of calm reason, "We all want the same thing. So, let's just figure out how to do that."  
  
"I'll tell you how we do it!" Erica shrugged him off, pointing an accusing finger toward Joe and Maria, "We let these two incompetent doctors maintain their distance and fly some real ones into Pine Valley!"  
  
Stepping forward with a deep breath, Maria insisted as calmly as possible, "Erica, no one can suffer the kind of trauma Kendall did without some consequences."  
  
"These aren't just consequences, Maria, this is her whole life!"  
  
Aidan was thrown off by the comment, looking to Kendall's siblings immediately for some kind of confirmation.  
  
 _She's all right, isn't she? I thought that._  
  
Stepping away from his sister, Reggie came to his mother's side and nodded firmly, "I agree with Erica. Someone's got to think about Kendall. She wouldn't want to forget anything much less her whole life."  
  
Again, Aidan was thrown into a tail spin.  
  
 _Forgotten? Her whole life?_  
  
Suddenly, his questions were answered by her angelic voice.  
  
Standing proudly beside her brother and mother, she crossed her arms across her chest and sighed heavily, "I think Kendall would want to remember every detail of her life, not just how to operate a fork. Now, as much as I hate to say this, I think mom's right. I think we should fly in an expert for a second opinion."  
  
Joe drew a deep breath, offering a gentle smile to the young woman, "It's your family's choice."  
  
"Well, I think we've made it, Dr. Martin."  
  
Aidan smiled at Lily's proclamation, but it was temporary. Because he was now all too aware of what exactly had taken place within a mere instant.  
  
Kendall had forgotten everything.  
  
 _Including me._  
  
~*~  
  
"Do they always argue like this?"  
  
A grin spread across his lips, amused slightly by her question, "Depends on who you're talking about, Kendall."  
  
"All of 'em."  
  
Nodding slowly, he glanced towards the door with a sigh, "Pretty much."  
  
"Wow." She adjusted her blanket at her waist, smiling nervously towards him, "I must have been pretty popular, huh? All those people arguing over me."  
  
 _If only you knew._  
  
He ignored the thought, turning back to her with shrug, "Something like that."  
  
Though he was completely unaware, his gaze was warmer than ever before. With one look into his blue eyes, she felt the weight on her shoulder just slightly.  
  
 _Don't ever look away from me._  
  
Kendall bowed her head at the thought, reminding herself that the young man had not left her side once since she had awoken. Yet he did not feel the need to tell her why, did not feel the need to question.  
  
Instead, he sat in his chair beside her bed - available.  
  
Available for every question and to every request, JR Chandler had remained at her side.  
  
She pushed the thoughts away and brought her gaze back to his, "The man--who was here--Ryan? Who was he? He--he was--"  
  
"A big part of your past. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less."  
  
"Did I hate him or something?"  
  
"Kendall, I can't tell you how to think about people. You'll make those decisions on your own." He softened his tone, adding carefully, "But Ryan was nothing something that made you happy, and that's a fact."  
  
"...so who did make me happy?"  
  
 _Such a simple question without a real simple answer_.  
  
JR answered as quickly as possible, thinking only of the positive, "Well...your family most of the time...Bianca and Miranda were your world. And--Erica's just Erica."  
  
Examining him carefully, she hugged herself loosely and inquired, "And you?"  
  
He bored his eyes to hers, extending his open hand, and replied quietly, "I hope so."  
  
After a moment, she hesitantly put her hand in his and the weight became lighter once again.  
  
Kendall noted this immediately, confessing quietly, "I have a feeling you did."  
  
Shocked by her words, he closed his hand carefully around hers and vowed, "I will always try."  
  
She soaked his words in as well as the contact... _whoever I was, I was lucky to have you._


End file.
